he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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