Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
