too bad you live with your parents still
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
