when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
