i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
