I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
