i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
