were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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