And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
