Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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