Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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