Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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