so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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