Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
