Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize