I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize