omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize