I'm so fucking centered right now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
