i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
