this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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