even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He has the fingertips of a God
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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