hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
be right there i have to get my cape
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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