Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My pussy is not your playground.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
