Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize