she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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