We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
