Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the condom got lost in my hair
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize