My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
