He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
