how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
