hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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