He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
