I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
