You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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