I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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