I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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