i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
