I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
