I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The ass gains better be worth it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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