is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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