My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize