matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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