totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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