she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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