i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
