Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
