the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's official drugs can't kill me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
