Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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