he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
