I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
