I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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