How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
