I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
