We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
