I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
