I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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