so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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