It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize