I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
