dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there was a trapeze. enough said
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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