Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
