Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
