So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sober January is a disaster.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
