I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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