but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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