Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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