Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
