Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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